Tessa* explains how during a really difficult time at home Children First supported her to manage her anxiety and abusive phone contact from her dad.
Children First started supporting Tessa when she was finishing primary school. At that time Tessa’s dad had mental health problems and was misusing alcohol to cope with his own problems. This led to him becoming abusive to the point where the police had to be called on several occasions.
Tessa was not feeling safe at home and was often scared to be there. Her mum was struggling to cope with the situation and her own problems which meant she wasn’t able to support Tessa with the fear and anxiety she was feeling. After Tessa shared her worries at school, child protection and social work became involved and referred the family to Children First.
Sharon* from Children First worked with the family to bring calmness, improve their communication with each other and build healthy relationships so there were less of these frightening times.
Tessa, who is now in secondary school, shares her story. She said: “Back then I was struggling with my anxiety and panic attacks.
“My attendance at school wasn’t great and when I was at school, I wasn’t trying my hardest because I was just thinking about stuff all the time. If something had happened the night before at home I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t get any work done.
“I had a lot of different emotions going on that were making me feel very overwhelmed. I would think about the worst things that might happen. I felt really alone.
“After I met Sharon* from Children First I felt that I had someone to turn to. I could talk to her and share my feelings with her. She helped me learn to cope with my anxiety.
“Before then I’d been bottling up everything but having Sharon to talk to felt like a weight off my shoulders.
“If something did happen at home, I knew she would be there when I needed her.”
Over time, Tessa’s mum and dad decided the best thing for the family would be for them to separate. Tessa’s dad would call her, and when he wasn’t in a good place, this was really upsetting for Tessa and increased her feelings of anxiety.
Tessa said: “When my dad moved out, I was still panicking about things that might happen. It would be all I would be thinking about when I was on my own.
“He would call me, and I felt like I had to answer and would worry he’d be angry if I didn’t pick up. But sometimes when he called, he might have been drinking so I didn’t know if it would be a good conversation or a bad conversation. Sharon helped me understand I didn’t have to speak to him, and I didn’t have to answer the phone.
“I would write things down in my journal and then on the days Sharon was coming to meet with me I could talk it all through with her. If I had bad feelings and bad thoughts, I knew I didn’t have to hold it into myself.
“Sharon really helped with that and kept telling me to prioritise myself and always make sure I was safe. She helped me change my mindset. I was taking on worrying about everyone else, but she encouraged me to put myself first.
“Me and Sharon did breathing exercises which helped a lot with my panic attacks, and she made me a wee kit with aromatherapy oils that helped too.
“Sharon helped us as a family with our communication. Me and mum understand each other much better now.
“Things are a lot better for us all and I’ve got ways to cope with my anxiety that I can use if I need them, and I don’t need Sharon or my mum to tell me to do them.
“Children First is such an amazing charity and they help people a lot. Everyone should know about them. Having them in my life made me feel so much better.”
Reflecting on her future, Tessa added: “I really want to do social work when I’m older. If I can help other people with what I know now I think that would be a great thing to share. I want to be able to help other people feel better and not alone like Children First helped me.”